weary weary weary

damn I'm rather tired even when its my holiday!

Visited my grandparents in the morning. Think it was the first time that I visited them without my parents. Haha. I learnt alot of funny stories regarding my parents.

I took a hike in the afternoon. Literally. Walked to East Coast from my house, stopped at the hawker centre, walked again to the NS Recreation Country Club past sparkC, to Changi Coast and finally stopped at Tanah Merah ferry terminal. There was only one bus there that went to Bedok so no surprises where I alighted.

Went to eat mee soto at Inspirasi where the food is really cheap! $1.50 for mee soto man. You can't beat that. So I was sitting down minding my own business when out of a sudden, *phoom* two hot girls came and asked if they could share the table. They were quite nice and friendly lah so we talked abit. What am I getting at? Well, I'm a thinker and after reflecting on that event, I realised that I wanted that kind of feeling in my relationship. A relationship that is spontaneous, not just filled with quiet silences with feeble attempts at conversations. One that is fun and lively. One where I'm not the only one taking the initiatives to do things. It was at a hawker centre and not some restaurant and yet, it was fun no matter how simple the setting might have been. Yes. Inspirasi has indeed provided me with inspiration.

i like this poem

an Italian sonnet from A Crown of Sonnets:

We used to hunt each other. Now we meet
by accident, if we meet at all,
over blueberries in the produce stall,
or at our local butcher's, buying meat.
I'd like you to appear now, on this street,
in the old neighborhood. I would call
your name, suggest we breakfast without gall
at the Berkely Luncheonette. But would
you eat?

Lying gestures cleared like dirty dishes,
silence cracked like eggs, we would sit down
reopening our friendship like a meal-
a rapprochement so stunning pigs and fishes
would know it in their bones.
You are not in town;
we both have wounds that talking would
not heal.

Yes i'm starting to blog in colour now. Yes I'm also starting to write entries without titles.

Went to JB in the morning today. Shopped at Tebrau city and bought a bag from U2. Oh shut up to those of you who think I shopped to much. Thats about the only thing I bought other then gum and food. Yoshinoya and satay! Yum

Caught "curse of the golden flower" (or something like that) at the picturehouse later in the evening. The movie was not that bad lah except that I was sitting right in front. It was kind of awkward to watch the screen for the whole show. The movie ended rather late so I missed the last train. Went to the bus station in hopes of catching bus no. 7 but since it was schedualed to come at 2358 and it was already 2359, I decided to take bus no. 14 instead and walked home. Thats the second time in a row that I have been walking home in the middle of the night. Surprisingly, I found it rather tranquil to be alone and enveloped by the quiet atmosphere. I think I shall spend tommorrow morning or afternoon walking to changi or something with just my backpack, my water bottle and me. I am contemplating my iPOD but I've been reflecting on it and I realised that one of the reasons why I am downcast most of the time is that I have been listening to too many jiwang songs regarding love and disappointment and well.. that just doesn't go well with my current situation.

Finally, I'm at PRAC 2 now!

clearing leave

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I am officially on leave. Been on leave since the 22nd and will be on official leave till the 31st. The icing on the cake is that the 1st is a holiday due to the New Year and the 2nd due to Hari Raya Haji (a holiday brought forward). Lets see what I have been up to so far.

22nd - 25th: Family holiday trip to Changmai and Changrai

Well I was expecting to to be a boring and scorching hot place to go to but I was pleasantly proved wrong. First of all, the moment I stepped out into the open air outside the airport, I got the shock of my life to find that it was quite cold. I must admit that I thought that the bus port was fixed with some air-conditioning mechanism of some sort. The cold temperature was really a blessing as it provided a very pleasant environment to enjoy my holiday in.

Oh and God bless the shopping over there. The stuff there are super cheap and bargainable too. Bought loads of t-shirts, shorts, a pair of shoes, sandals, boxers, keychains, cards and guess what? A sapphire ring which I am wearing now. Yes folks, I spend nearly $500 over there all by myself. Hahaha.

25th - 26th: Inactive period

Time basically spent on doing nothing but slack in my house and play with my psp.

27th: Finally went out

I was getting bored of just staying in the house so I went to do some rather productive stuff. Finally finished my first attempt at composing an Italian sonnet. Its not bad but I would prefer something abit more abstract and filled with more details. Met up with Aznie later at Seah Im hawker centre where the stupid rojak was closed yet again. *inserts flurry of colourful language here*. Watched the night at the museum movie which ended at about 1130pm causing us to run to the train station in fear of missing the last train. Not bad. Quite fun. Haha

a glimmer of light

Today was a rather weird day. Had my AMPT test in which I was given two scenarios. I suppose I did rather well for the first one and I was told I had the highest score among everyone else but I totally screwed up the second one and I failed as a result of that. The effect of the failure affected me stronger then I had expected. I was feeling totally like crap.

So anyway I don't know why but I went back to Charlie's SP. I sat down and I broke down there. I guess all the undesireable occurances in my life was finally taking a more obvious effect. I just sat down there for about an hour or so and in that period of time, I guess I learnt something quite valuable.

First, the medics came out from e-mart and saw me. They sat down and tried to comfort me and stuff. Secondly, Samuel from Charlie came and asked me what was wrong. As I didn't say anything much and that the other medics were around, I'm glad that he understood that I needed my space and let me for awhile. Thirdly and most surprisingly, the Foxtrot CSM came and asked me why I was looking so downcast. Ok the reason why it was so surprising to me was that we don't even know each other, much less talk to each other before. He was really nice ah. Talking cock to me and trying to console me. What was valuable was that he adviced me to pray more as a means of solace and a solution. I realised then that the reason why I was especially shocked was because I had came to view Muslim soldiers in the SAF with a prejudiced view that they are simply not religious. That taught me a valuable lesson as to not judge anyone without any valid reason. Ok anyway lastly, the Charlie storeman came and he also tried to ask me what was wrong.

After that, I went up to the bunk and I puked my guts out in the toilet. It was really horrible and the sickly feeling didn't go away. So I went to lie on my bed and partially sleep with the ipod on. When I finally got up about an hour and a half later, I immediately felt better and happier. Surprise surprise. Went down and met Terrence and Sean who also heard about me and tried to cheer me up. Went to do my cover and then went to the cookhouse for dinner. Met the Charlie storeman again who was there packing dinner for the isolated personnels. It was nice of him to stay and have dinner with me even though he was actually on his way back. Went up to bunk and I met Kang Hua who probably said the most encouraging words without being too emotional and stuff. He was like "Hey I don't know what problems you are having but don't get too upset over it." Simple? Yes. But effective nevertheless.

Lessons of the day?

1. In the words of the Foxtrot CSM, "Its ok to fail but you have to pick yourself back up again."
2. I have learnt that a lot of people do care about me. Such a contrast to about 4 months back when I was newly posted into the unit and didn't know anyone.
3. Sometimes God sends his blessings through what may appear to be setbacks.

amy

Guess we finally had a serious heart to heart talk.

A void. Emptiness. Hollowness. (all beneath the guise of laughter and geity)

Started with hopes.
Lost in the middle.
Still lost now.

Distant. So very distant.

Casual. Too casual. (the tensions simmer beneath)

Tears are missing. Spirit is numbed by time.

Weariness. Weariness for the past, present, future.

and in the night, I could be helpless
I could be lonely sleeping without you
and in the day, everythings complex
theres nothing simple when I'm not around you

and I miss you when you're gone...

adieu to charlie company

Well today marks the end of my stint with 6SIR's Charlie company after providing them with medical coverage for the PTP and BMT. As I was there with the other commanders looking at the recruit's passing out parade, I couldn't help but feel proud of the recruits who where standing before me, marching in unison in their green garb. Images of the journey flashed in my head starting with their enlistment day, training sessions, field camp. It just seemed so recent and raw. In that time span of 11 weeks, I have gotten to know the recruits fairly well; those with back pain, leg pain and so forth.

Of course I'm not forgetting the commanders who really completed the parable in making my stay at Charlie a most memorable one. Their giety and attitude was really inspiring. They made the concept of being a role model to juniors a reality.

Thank you Charlie. I shall miss you.